My story resembles one of ‘Michael Jackson’…With ‘similarities’, yet ‘differences’…

It began approximately ’16’ years ago as I worked in the medical field for 20+ years. I enjoyed my career with those I had spent most of my days, weeks, months, years with. They became a part of my ‘family’.

Throughout these years, I would continue to get sick with one thing or another…Usually, something not so ‘simple’ as a ‘normal’ person would think. Normal…I really don’t think I have ever really lived the true definition of ‘normalcy’.

As I was growing up, I always had severe stomach pain, anxiety…Whatever it was certainly became ‘chaotic’. My parents would take me to one physician to the next, never really learning what it was that dominated me. So, due to the incompetency of physicians during those earlier years, I was referred to see a Psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ‘depression’. I began therapy at a very young age. I didn’t really understand it then. I just did it because I was told to.

These ‘physical’ pains…continued throughout the years with having symptomatic, severe, lower-right quadrant pain. My parents would continually take me to the Emergency Room for evaluation with possibility of having ‘appendicitis’ each and every time! However, each time I would be sent home with no prognosis of any kind. Disturbing as this may have been to my family, I was ‘frustrated’ and quite ‘confused’ not knowing and/or understanding what it was that was taking over my body.

As years progressed, I continued to have the same pains at the same exact places…again, with almost having been rolled into surgery to have my ‘appendix’ removed. I would just like to share, that today, I still have my ‘appendix’! {LOL}!!!! So, then it was determined that I had a Gynecological situation….{Monthly bursting cysts, endometriosis,…}, this list gets longer. After four ‘laparoscopies’, ‘adhesions removed’, I still suffered with identical symptoms. I will admit that PMS was certainly no fun…Who was I during that time of the month…Cybil maybe…Whoever, whatever…it was a really, not-so-good experience. Actually, it was quite an ‘awful’ experience. I know I lost many friends each month due to my major personality changes!!! {LOL}!!!!!

It wasn’t until after I had gotten married and had my two beautiful daughters that this monthly cycle became more of a monstrosity than I had ever imagined! Without getting into details that would not be appropriate for ‘some’ to read…I will just share that I continued to have enormous crisis’s each month. After having my second daughter and as situations had not subsided, I had a long discussion with my OB/GYN. I will never forget my boss’s wife sharing with me how ‘freeing’ it is to have a ‘hysterectomy’. {Of-course, I looked at her like she was nuts}!…After awhile, I kept thinking about what she had shared with me. The more I thought about it, the more ‘excited’ I became. So, after many more months of complete ‘disasters’, I had made a decision. Okay, so I had scans performed, tests, etc, which did not show any relevance with having such a surgery. However, ‘I KNEW’ something was wrong. I knew my body very well. (As most of us women do). As my physician understood everything I had continued to ‘endure’, he agreed to perform the surgery. {Now ladies, this one’s for you}: “If you have problems and you know for sure that you do not want to have any more children, I will agree with my boss’s wife. Not only is it so ‘freeing’, it is also quite ‘exciting’. All you have to do is ask your surgeon to add a few more stitches in there, (if you know what I mean)! ;’) Seriously! It’s like being a ‘virgin’ all over again. If I would have known this years earlier, I certainly would not have procrastinated the thought.

Well, come to learn that during this particular surgery, they did find a golf-ball size (benign) tumor. As I’ve always said, ‘We Know Our Own Bodies’. Whether one ‘listens’ to us or not, we know. My ‘Intuition’ has always been my greatest gift.

Back to the future…

It wasn’t until many, many years later that I continued to just get ‘sick’ a lot. Much more than many. I felt quite ‘alienated’ during these times. As often as I had seen the Emergency Rooms at different hospitals, different specialists, different nurses…I was looked at as a ‘Hypochondriac’. Little did they know, that later in my adult years, I would learn something quite significant that would justify those earlier years of torment!

I was working at Torrance Memorial Medical Center in their G.I. Department when I continued to worsen with illnesses. Again, I had seen different specialists who in fact gave to me different diagnoses. One of my co-workers had referred me to see an Infectious Disease Specialist whom they believed would definitely learn what my condition would be. I took his advice and made my appointment. My co-worker was my ‘ESKIMO’ to me. This specialist had run every test known to man. During these performances, I would continue to get quite ill. I was hospitalized for long periods of time with every venture.

The pains I continued to ‘endure’ became extravagant. I was placed on many medications, narcotics, etc to try to alleviate the chronic pain. Intermittently, I would continue with high fevers, flu-like symptoms, stomach pains that put me down on the floor…with ambulances picking me up and bringing me right back to the hospital. In between inpatient visits, I had learned that I had severe ‘leucopenia/neutropenia’, (in layman’s terms, low white cell counts with low neutrophils). It was also established that I had low red cell counts. I was diagnosed with having ‘Leukemia’ at that time. Both cells were eating each other up so quickly, I could not fight any virus, or any infection that would come my way. I had to have ‘two’ blood transfusions due to the severity of the decrease in cells.

I was then placed on Cancer-type treatments at home with having to learn how to give myself injections on a daily basis with also having to learn to address I.V. nutrition. This was at a time that I was going through a second divorce and living in an apartment with my two daughters. They were quite ‘traumatized’ with so much during this time. I was not capable of being physically, emotionally, mentally available for my daughters at a time in their life when they needed their ‘MOM’ the most. If you are a ‘Mom’ reading this, you can feel what I am interpreting as what was the most ‘challenging’ of experiences each of us had endured. It had taken years after for me to learn how to ‘forgive myself’ and how to communicate with them how very sorry I was to not have been there for them at a time when they needed me the most. I know for me, this was the hardest imagination and reality to accept within the deepest part of my being. As I write this, I can still feel the exact ’emotions’ I had felt during those times. It’s overwhelming.

I feel my daughters’ pains, their hurts, their deepest heartaches, their souls. When they hurt, I hurt. When they cry, I somehow gain the ‘strength’ to become a shoulder for them to cry on. When they smile, I light up. When they laugh, we laugh hysterically together. When they feel ‘traumatized’, I feel the same way. Through it all, we have made it though ‘together’. A few years ago, I almost lost my life from the virus I was diagnosed with and the amount of prescribed medications I was given….

This continues with my story…

After many years of struggles, I was finally diagnosed with having a severe enteroviral infection which was learned to have been within my body since I was a little girl. This ‘cell’ was found and seen through an ERCP test being performed. This cell was found in the lower, right ileum of my intestinal wall. Once this was found, I continued to learn more of what this virus was. It was called, ‘Coxsackie-B Virus’. I had never heard of this particular virus before nor did I know much about the different strengths this virus had. Of course, I had to have the strongest level possible, which eventually became a ‘terminal illness’. To educate one’s self, I continued to search the Internet under ‘Enteroviral Infections’. I sought the different terminologies and levels of strengths with definitions of this particular virus. The most simple was what babies can get. This is called, the ‘Hands and Mouth’ virus. This was not at all the virus I had endured. Unfortunately, I had the infection that affected one’s organs. This cell maneuvers its way throughout your body and causes organs to inflame. Can also ‘damage’ one’s organs. I certainly experienced masses amounts of inflammation throughout my body. I had approximately 82+ pounds worth of inflammation that caused debilitating hardships. There was a time I could not even walk. Each time I had to go for an appointment, I would have to go in a wheelchair. The pain was so severe, I was placed on high doses of narcotics. At this time, I was under the care of a Hospice Pain Management Physician. This is when I began to weaken and my symptoms had worsened. Please note, I was also diagnosed with having Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, with Chronic Sinus Infections.

I had lost two years of my life in ‘bed’. I was just ‘existing’, not ‘living’. I became depressed, non-functional and incoherent.

I know that we don’t receive ‘miracles’ through ‘osmosis’. Somehow, someway, through everything, I continued to grow ‘spiritually’. I do believe that it was through this underlying process, I had received a ‘miracle’. This is the ‘end’ of a very long story…

I had woke up one morning, just knowing something was wrong and had shared with my third and final husband, (the man who I know is my ‘soul mate’ on earth), that I am going to STOP taking ALL medications. He looked at me like I was out of my mind. His concern was that I was going to kill myself by just ‘stopping and not ‘weaning’ myself off. So, we both agreed that we would make an appointment to see my PM physician. We had gone to see him and spoke with him about weaning me off these medications. {Please let me intervene by mentioning that during the duration of taking higher doses of medications each time due the ‘tolerance level my body had exceeded’}, all of my specialists had preferred to judge me as having become an ‘addict’. So, I was referred to a Rehabilitation Center to detoxify my system. Please note, I had already experienced a ’28’ day inpatient stay for detoxification at one point during my endeavors. At this time, I understood the ‘disease of a true addiction’. There was a time I had believed I was. Until, I continued to educate myself some more and realized that what I was experiencing, was a ‘high tolerance’ level to medication. I had always taken my medications as prescribed. Once I had detoxified my body from previous narcotics, I did not want to revert backwards. I was now afraid of all pain medications ~and- sought different forms of therapy. Eventually, I was placed on ‘Methadone’. This is where I now share that my story begins to ‘resemble’ that of ‘Michael Jackson’…

As I became more ill, I had suffered with increased, chronic pain. As this increased, the dosages of the Methadone increased as well. I NEVER took more than what had been prescribed to me. This is when the reality of being an ‘addict’ was untrue. I did NOT have the idealistic traits of an ‘addict’. What I had was a ‘high tolerance level’ from having been on the same medications for a long period of time. After awhile, the dosage of medication no longer works and increased dosages are necessary. A ‘true’ addict cannot take medication as ‘prescribed’. If you are or know one who does have the ‘disease’ of ‘addiction’, you understand what I am saying here. There is a fine line between having a ‘high tolerance’ vs. ‘addiction’. Due to physicians’ not wanting to take the responsibility of what they prescribe to their patients, they prefer to judge them as becoming an ‘addict’ and writes this in the patient’s charts. Therefore, wherever the patient goes, this is read and continues to be treated as such.

This is my story. The cycle continued on until the ‘miracle’ happened for me. After seeing the PM physician who prescribed increased dosages of Methadone to me, he told me he did not have the know-how with weaning one from these medications and that I would need to be hospitalized in a Rehabilitation Center. Well, this was not an option for me. Been there, done that. So, we sought a second opinion. I had brought the bottle to show the dosage of Methadone I had been prescribed. This physician listened to my story, took the bottle from my hand, threw it and abruptly stated that he could not believe the amount that was prescribed and that the physician who prescribed this to me could have killed me. (Duh)! This was the purpose of our second opinion. My husband of-course, was not too happy to hear this and said that there may be a lawsuit in front of him…

This physician who just threw the bottle and said what he did to us, called my PM physician to inform him with what my husband had said. Physicians’ protect Physicians’. This is the name of the game. I am not ‘naive’ to this with having been in the profession as long as I had. With learning this knowledge, we knew that if we had summoned this particular physician who demonstrated such anger in regards to the dosage which had been prescribed to me, would have to tell the ‘truth’ in court. However, due to lack of finances, we did not have the opportunity to do this. I’ve always believed that nothing happens by mistake.

I did STOP my medications. I had experienced horrendous withdrawals which required a few days of hospitalization at Little Co. of Mary Hospital. Those were very long, torturous days, to say the least. I will never forget those days as long as I live. (Which is a ‘positive’ reflection for me)…

As much as I struggled, I made it through. Today, I can share with you honestly and quite openly, that I have not had another narcotic in my body since. During my days, weeks, months of recovery, I also made a conscious decision to change my daily lifestyle. I changed my nutrition completely. Till this very day, I do not intake sugar, salt, caffeine, chocolate, dairy. I have since placed myself into a ‘remission’ stage from my virus. I don’t know how this ‘miracle’ happened for me. I just know that it wasn’t me. There is no doubt that God and His Angels have continued to carry me every day of my life. Today, I continue with having severe ‘leucopenia’/’neutropenia’ with which we are still searching for an answer. I do have a significant Immune-Disorder due to this deficiency of white cells and decreased neutrophils. That is the reason I cannot ‘fight’ when I get sick. However, I do not suffer with pain, or a virus that had almost taken my life. Today, I choose NOT to have any narcotic and/or any formation of. My body is completely detoxified from any and all toxicity. I embrace ‘ME’ today with my physical scars, my not-so-good memories of past incidences, accepting all illnesses I have and may continue to endure, accept whatever comes my way. It has taken a lot of work, a lot of self-help, a lot of therapy, a lot of taking time with Geri-Lynn…to learn who Geri-Lynn really is and learn how to ‘like’ and ‘love’ all of who she is. Today, I accept and love ALL of ME. This is ‘ME’. This is the real ‘Geri-Lynn’.

When I have shared and continue to share that there are no mistakes, this continues to be shown so true. I have become an ‘Advocate’, a ‘Voice’ against ‘Physicians’ Who Over-Medicate Their Patients’. This is just beginning to become fan-based. I am living my ‘dream’. It wasn’t meant for me to take my previous physician to court. It never was about ‘money’. It has always been for me to stop those who may affect another. This is my ‘purpose’ in life. I feel it, I know it, and I now get to live it.

I share my story because I do not have any secrets. I hope to touch another by sharing my own experience, strength and hope with those who are still ‘challenged’ and/or have been ‘challenged’ with similar health issues and with physicians’ who continue to prescribe over-dosages of medications to weak, lifeless patients.

It is now time for ‘ME to GIVE BACK what I HAVE BEEN SO GRACIOUSLY GIVEN’.”

*THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT and FOR ACCEPTING ME AS I AM*
At the present time, I am being tested for Lupus, Cancer and/or whatever may be debilitating me at this time. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia seem to exist. I have found a new Internist at Yoma Linda University and hope to learn of some answers soon. Today, I accept what is. Attitude is everything and I choose to continue with the *Power of Positive Thinking*.

With My Hugs, Peace, Love, Laughter Always!, Geri-Lynn 

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows… If I fail, if I succeed, at least I live as I believe… No matter what they take from me… They can’t take away my dignity… Because the greatest love of all inside of me… The greatest love of all is easy to achieve… Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.